Why Telling Your Story Matters Part 2

Hey everyone, I have some good news. I’ve lost 15 pounds. *hold for applause* Yep, I stopped eating because my best friend died. So, just three more friends until I’ve reached my goal weight.

Those lines are how I began telling my story. Some may say it’s crass, horrifying, inappropriate. Others would say it’s brilliant, hilarious, brave.

It doesn’t matter where you fall on the spectrum of whether or not Jessica Seburn is a funny or good person, the fact is, I stood up and told my story. 

Weak-kneed and bile-throated is how I started. And it was the first of many many clumsy steps toward a life of telling my story and helping others tell theirs.

As I mentioned in my previous post, my list of 50 things opened up opportunities and made me realize how powerful sharing can be. Even if a story is not widely accepted or celebrated, it is still the truth. It is your truth. 

As time has passed, I’ve evolved my understanding of what it means to not only tell our stories but to live our stories authentically.

You are. You are here, and you exist.

Step 1: Own Your Story.

It’s hard to experience true joy without letting yourself truly feel the sorrow, and the myriad of other normal, human emotions that we are told are bad.

I wanted to feel loved and accepted, so I chased that. I didn’t love or accept myself. I hated my pain. I hated that I was still alive and my friend was not.

So you can speak the words of your story all you’d like, but you need to feel your reality. Diving into yourself to question your beliefs surrounding your life, your values, death, injustice, nature; it’s a process. It’s not something that you can demonstrate to people immediately. Self-discovery is a marinade. You need to jab yourself repeatedly before you are tender enough to soak up what you need to. 

We are a culture of rushing. We want people to rush to the good parts. Get over the tough stuff, shake off the sticky grip of grief, and be inspiring, be funny, be amazing. But the juice of a story, the zest of life, is being present in our feelings and our experiences. 

In order to share our stories to help others, we need to own our experiences and our thoughts and feelings around them. 

What narratives have you created in your own life? 

Self-Discovery

is a marinade.

Step 2: Take a Personal Inventory

In what ways do you express yourself? What is comfortable for you, and why? We may think that expression is reserved for professional writers and artists. It’s just not true. 

At the time of this blog, I have been alive for approximately 979,171,200 seconds and I remember very very few of those seconds. But there’s a lot to work with there. I’ve been shocked at the number of times I’ve shared a thought or a memory that seemed commonplace, only to discover I was actually extremely weird and now a social pariah. Just kidding. Usually, it’s created a chain reaction around the table of gasps of laughter or cries of “Me too! I thought only my dad farted loudly in a Wendy’s restaurant and blamed it on me!” 

When I was working on The Corner Chip, a lot of my other stories and experiences were pushed off to the side. Once I had finished writing it, I felt a massive shift in my energy. Even though I knew I would be sharing April with people for the rest of my life, I finally felt a space in my head and my soul free up. By telling my story, I had allowed new memories to come around. I created space for new things, new people, new voices. 

Keep a journal. Brainstorm different types of events of your life. You can categorize them however you’d like. Example: Relationships, Family Memories, Grief and Loss, School Days, Dad Farts, etc.

I highly recommend reading Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life. Anne Lamott has a brilliant guiding voice that will help you with storytelling, bit by bit. 

Step 3: Find Your “Why”

Something that I have learned (slowly) is that you have to remove expectations when telling your story, particularly when you are using storytelling as a coping mechanism. You may receive negative feedback from people who don’t understand, or you may receive silence. I firmly believe that sharing our experiences has a ripple effect far beyond what we can see. 

I will not tell you that your pain is beautiful. I will not tell you that it is magic. It is not for me to assign adjectives to your grief, your pain, your trauma. I will say that the best word I can find is that it alchemizes us. I don’t know jack shit about science though so, feel free to banish that term. Replace it with something better.

Pain alchemizes us. And I’m not here to say that you are beautiful now because you have been hurt. I will never tell you that your story is richer now, now that you have experienced trauma. I will just tell you that you are. You are. You are here, and you exist. That’s all I’ve got for you today. I strip you of the adjectives that have been thrust upon you by bystanders too afraid to walk through fire with you. Or even the adjectives bestowed upon you by people who love you deeply but just don’t understand. Let me take those off your shoulders.

I don’t like when people tell me good things came from my pain. Nothing makes me feel more othered than people clapping for me but never seeing me. I’m sensitive about this, can you tell? My people are people who have been thrown into the fire, who have been left out to freeze in the cold. I’m talking to the people who have grown wings, singed and brittle but are still fighting for flight. 

What do you want out of this life? 
What is your fight?
What is your story?

Pain alchemizes us.

Step 4: Find Your How, and Then Find it Again.

As I said before, this isn’t just about writing a memoir or creating a piece of fine art. Storytelling is part of human history, and we don’t just tell one story one way. Allow yourself to be playful and daring in the ways you share your truth. When you show up for yourself in this way, you may be astonished to see the impact it has on your wellbeing, and you may lead the way and give permission to others to do the same.

Telling your story doesn’t necessarily mean a Facebook status update, a tweet, or a caption on Instagram. Telling your story, to me, means living your story. 

I’ve made a list of activities that can be considered storytelling. What speaks to you? Why? Don’t question it too much, just run with it. Save it, print it, pull it out when you are ready, try something new. Give yourself many many chances to find your voice and your purpose. 

This is your time. Hunker down. Rise up. Both are valid. Both are necessary in your journey. 

I’m very proud of you. 

Go tell your stories.

Go tell your stories.